Tuesday, November 04, 2003

The Improbable Nation of Geekdom

Let me tell you of a country unheard of, yet has growing population of a rabbit on Viagra. It is a small nation, yet has the intellectual speed of a frightened deer and the brute force of a hyperactive monkey.

That nation is called Geekdom, wherein it is the last bastion of mankind against the tyranny of capitalism.

I am a geek myself, therefore I will enlighten you of our country. Let me be your guide to realms fantastic and surreal.

Thus our journey begins with the people itself. Sadly Geekdom is nation of divided loyalties, wherein the Card Gamers keep to mostly themselves and DnD Masters would rather create worlds, but when the people are called, they would rally and stand united against any oppression. After the usual bickering and infighting of course.

The people itself are called Geeks, although this have been subject to debate as well as to what to call the people officially. Would we rather be called Geekers? Geekishmen? Geekereese? The dabate goes on and long but most of the population tend to use the short term 'Geeks' although that tends to be less formal. Kinda like using Chinks for Chinese and Niggers for the Afro-Americans. Needless to say, if your not a geek, don't use the word on us. We prefer our real names when dealing with the outside world. Unless of course you want Serra Angel card stuck up your nose.

The dress mode is also a tad informal, mostly jeans and t-shirts depicting favorite logos, designs etc. Other more hardcore patriotic ones declare geek phrases, i.e. "The Truth Is Out There" or the classic "Trust No One". On really formal occasion, although rare, Geeks tend to dress up anything in their dad's closet, or in an emergency, will also ransack their grandfather's box too. Which is the reason most geeks feel uncomfortable when dressed. The jeans and t-shirt attire is a shield of sorts, protecting the wearer from unwanted people, declaring loud and clear that "I'm a Geek, don't come near me unless you know Geekspeak". If formally dressed, the Geek in question tend suck in the ambience like a scientist in a radiation field without a radsuit. As a result, people will tend make small talk, thus rendering the Geek into insensibility with nonsense issues like current affairs, world hunger and the coming world war. Which is why most Geeks tend to avoid going to social gatherings, as if attending will give them the Black Plague, or worst. A small minority has been schooled vigorously to become ambassadors, because like it or not, we need the outside world to interact with... to curse and gripe if nothing else. As a gradute of that school, I can say I still have nightmares to last me a lifetime. But I digress. Let's move on, shall we?

As I said there are different types of Geeks, just as the world has Asians, Europeans, Africans etc. Here in our humble nation we have Five Grand Houses. House Card Gamers, which comprimises about one third of the current population; House RPG Specialists, which is the first and oldest house in recorded history; House Comic Collectors, also an old house with still a lot of class; House Computer Nerds, the only house that is in great demand in the outside world; and lastly House Miniture Gamers, relatively a new house just over a decade old. With these houses comprimise the nation, with a smattering of small houses scattered around. There were Lost Houses too, like House Star Trek which is slowly disappearing over the years and House Star Wars, where, ever since the prequels came out, the house members got up and left in disgust. What is really astonishing is the reemergance of House Tolkien, which has garnered new members and fresh blood, ultimately making a grand U-turn from blinking out of existance.

You asked what house do I belong? Well, as an ambassador, I learned my craft from all of them, except of course the Lost Houses. From childhood I started learning from House Comic Collectors, then on my younger years went on to learn the craft of Card Gamers, where interspaced between those years, also garnered knowledge from Houses Tolkien, RPG Specialists and Computer Nerds. Currently, I'm studying the learnings of House Miniture Gamers, all the while finishing my statecraft in the ambassadorial school. But again I digress. I tend to ramble so please forgive me. Shall we continue?

The national tounge or language used in my nation is Geekspeak. It is comprimised from the different dialects from the Great Houses, i.e. "Hmmm, if Frodo Baggins were to be given the Sword of Might, which gives him +1 strength, and let's say he has the willpower of Charles Xavier and the agility of the Beast, what would be his Attack Roll and Difficulty Class? Perhaps, let's say he's battling on top of the Millenium Falcon, against a band Uruk-Hai led by Jar Jar Binks with stun phasers. That would make his Challenge Rating a 10 I'm guessing..."

Of course, each house has it's own private dialect, sometimes so obscure that you would need the whole Webster's Dictionary redesigned. Especially the Computer Nerds, which people need a whole library just to understand them.

Now, I'm afraid the tour will end here, as national secrecy is to be maintained at all times. If you wish to gain in depth knowledge of our country, please do not hesitate to ask as we will provide you with a more suitable and detailed tour.

This is me, Raf the Hamster, bored to kingdom come, saying goodnight and may the force be with you.


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