Wednesday, May 19, 2004

The Path I Walk On...

Yi... Er... San... Si... Wo...

Gym's a bitch. My muscles hurt like wildfire, and I can barely lift up a barrel of KFC ( and that's like horror to me!!! ). Unused tendons in my arms stretched screechingly as I did two sets of dumbells, both sideways and upwards, begging for the torture to end. I once did gym like 6 or 7 years ago, and being older and more fatter now is more agonizing to experienced than it was before. The weird thing I can remember is that my feet don't hurt like my arms...probably because of all the walking I did in Manila and running to and fro in the basketball court, trying to get rebounds. Hmmm...at least that turned out okay...

Liu... Qi... Ba... Jui... Shi...

A crash course in Mandarin is kinda like learning to be chinese in a short span of time. I remember thinking something that if you're like a mix breed, let's say half filipino half chinese, the thoughts you create in your head says which kind are you. Hence, if you think in chinese, then definately you're more chinese then filipino. I always believe that words are the core of your thought. Without words, there are no thoughts. In supposition, the thoughts you create will tell who you are. And the enviromental factor also plays into this. But I'm getting sidetracked. Our Lui Shin, the esteemed Victor Lo, is the principal of a chinese school here in the province. I always believed there are two kinds of chinese; the happy-go-lucky ones and the tradionalists. Thankfully, Mr. Lo seemed to be the happy type.

Shi Yi... Shi Er... Shi San... Shi Si... Shi Wo...

A friend came down the office just this morning, asking for help and advice. His problem stems from the fact that he's gonna work here and not go back to Manila to work for his family, since his girlfriend and friends is here. There in Manila, he's well taken care of, has a nice fat allowance and a car. Set for life you could say. But he chooses to be here, because he's not happy there. Sounds familiar? It's basically almost the same problem as me, choosing which path to take, although with little differences. After college, I spent into a lot of thinking on where I'm headed. I could work in Manila, be with my friends and be happy with what I have. Or I could go back, wallow in family's riches, be taken care of... but not being happy. Oh, I'm happy once in a while but I guess there's little fulfillment for me here. I debated over that in my head for a long time; if my head were to opened, it would look like a warzone. In the end, I choose to sacrifice what I have and and share my talents to my family. And it's hard. Damn hard. Knowing that you're going to be miserable for most of the days tend to dampen the spirits, but it's the way life is I guess. Time to give something back to my parents, which is actually the closing argument when the decision closed and truce was declared in my aching head...

Ta shi si yi... Ta shi er shi...Tamen shi a yi...

So it was I'm here, wasting away. But I do have a back up plan, wherein if I save enough cash I could put up my very own business, particularly a bar in GB3. So that's my goal, perhaps I can attain that in 5 to 8 years, depending on the situation. Which means I need to invest if I want to do it on a short time. But my hands are still shackled to the work. I could put up a bar there but I still have to report to the boss, who is my dad, and help in the company. I guess this is how family dynasties started...

Tamen shi xing jia po ren... tamen shi fei lu bin ren...

So I shared that to my buddy and he decided to think about it. One thing you gotta know about family dynasties is that the money is there, use it wisely, invest half and build a future. Sure, I might not be happy all the time, and I miss my barkada in Manila, but at least I could go there every month if I wanted to. That I guess nailed my coffin and peace was declared in my poor head. I guess some people would call it greed perhaps, but it's there just for me right? The only important thing to consider are the choices you make and how to use and live with it, "use" being a big part. While I sometimes wish I was free in the world, I am cynic enough to know that freedom doesn't feed you crap.

Bei... Nan... Dong... Xi...

That's probably what made me survived this long I guess. Being cynical tends to put things into perspective and being sarcastic adds flavor to it. One lesson I learned all through my life that keeps beating in my head is that "Life doesn't play fair. It alone knows the rules of the game".
I guess it's the same as to what happened to my best bud also. Long story but basically he doesn't want to study Law because of what it entails ( and partly he's afraid of becoming his own father ) but in the end he had no choice else he won't have any support in the family... and have any future in the future. Right now he's taking his exams in San Beda. What does this say?
Life dishes out a lot of things, but sometimes you have to take the bullets in order to survive. So true to me, my friend and my best bud.

State of Mind: Walking Back in Time...
Song of the Day: Ni Yao De Ai by Penny Dai
Now Reading: Starless Night by R.A. Salvatore
Crash Course Days in Chinese: 22 days...now in Day 2

1 Comments:

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10:06 AM, January 16, 2018  

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