Friday, July 30, 2004

The Ex Files: Revelations At The Wake

Just got back from last day of Venus' wake; her burial is tommorow, 3 pm, at Forest Lake.This night has soemthing of a revelation to me, which I'll talk about in while. But first...

Mass started at around 7pm, to honor Venus. Whenever I go to Mass, I usually opt to go to churches that cater to English or Tagalog sermons, the latter I've learned and came to appreciate when I spent my four years in Manila.

Flashback time. I remember coming home for Christmas and attending Misa de Gallo, which I went to religiously like an inmate at death row. For unenlightened, Misa de Gallo is a Mass that reenacts the birth of Christ, from the sign of the star up to the point of birth. If I remember correctly, its usually 9 days of waking up early at the dead of morning to attend Mass along with other sleepwalkers and wishing hopefuls. There's a legend, or myth if you will, that if you complete the Misa de Gallo without fail, you can have one wish granted as a sign of your faith, sanctity or, more often, perseverance.

So, when I got back here at the province, I wanted to complete the sessions I already did at Manila. I woke up early, got the church at our place, and to my horror, I couldn't understand a damn thing being said. I mean, yeah, I'm an Illongo, I speak Illongo and hell, even do things the Illongo way ( which means being practical yet gracious, critical yet malambing ) But the language spoken in the church was more deep, more tribal and if I guess right, older than my grandfather's underwear. I didn't understood a word spoken, hence the sermon was lost on me, like wind blowing away the answers. Goodbye nine mornings of sacrifice...

Anyways, Venus' Mass was something in that nature. Deep down Illongo with a touch of English, which I'm grateful for else I lost all understanding. The Nicene Creed I said in English, as well as "Holy Holy Holy" and the mysteries of Christ. Say what you will about us Catholics, but we are very religious and faithful. Even if its another language, we try to compensate on what we know already. That's why most Catholics already memorize the sequences; its been taught to us ever since we were wee kids. It doesn't matter is its another language, the imporatant thing is that if don't understand, you do it your way and listening to the sermon. Everything else is just rituals and tradition.

After Mass, it was like a reunion again, this time with different people. I got into talking with The Conductress, and the topic turned suddenly to my ex, She Who Devours Souls On A Daily Basis. The question was if there was a chance I could forgive her.

ME!!!! Forgive the Eater of Suns and Despoiler of Moons?!!!

Well, actually, I've been thinking about it for a while, going chug-chugging in the back of my head. Forgiveness? Hmmm, maybe. Perhaps. Check back on me after a couple of years and we'll see. But I do feel pity. Thinking about this now has realigned my decision that I should talk to her, and if possible, put everything on the table and sort out what happened during those years. The stories, the lies, everything. Wishful thinking, yes, but for now, I think talking to her first is the first logical step. While the rift between us will never heal, it doesn't hurt to open lines of communication and, ultimately, uncover the truth.

Hmmm, I do need to think on this more. Tommorow is the burial of our classmate, and everybody is going to be there. Better get all their contact numbers, or friendster accounts to keep each other in touch. I hope we don't drift apart after all this...
But for tommorow, we bury one of our own...

State of Mind: Flurry of Thoughts
Song of the Day: Something About You by Five For Fighting ( I can't keep this song out of my head!!! )
Now Reading: Tear of the Gods by Raymond E. Feist
Wishing For: A whole day of sleep...


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