Month of Despair
She has plans...
Tommorow is Ice Lady's birthday. And I won't be going to Manila for it, much as I wanted to. First and foremost reason is that she has plans that night, and, well, what can I say? It's her birthday. Nothing I can do about it I guess. But I can't help feeling a little sad...
Ah well...
Wait, need to set the mood right...where is my Sugarfree cd? Ayan, here it is. Pop it into the cd player, press play, and presto! Instant depressant for the moody and out of sorts. Geek rock never sounded so good. Onwards to oblivion....
Well, not actually oblivion, more likely just plain old despair, but it sounds dramatic doesn't it? In any case, this month has to be my most "disagreeable month". Overworked, overclocked, depressed most of the time, walking zombie-like and, in one instance, gone through the day groggily like a stoned hippie (this side of the 'shroom makes you go longer, while this side makes you go shorter...) Never have I been so depressed in my life, going through the difficult motions of life everyday, things like breathing and eating. Sometimes, I think I think I'm in a stasis of some sort...
One of the reprieves I get is sleeping. After work (overtime at that), I head straight to my bed, plunge down the pillows, close my weary eyes, and dream Kafka dreams. No time to watch the news (yeah, like something good is happening), the movies (reruns are just that, just reruns), read my books (dammit, I still have 10 books I bought I haven't even touched yet) or just take a long crap at the bathroom. Hell, I don't even have time to write here, and it's been over a week since I got back to writing my blog. And that sucks really, because this has been my outlet for my thinking and dreaming. But mostly for writing. I miss pounding the keyboard, flipping through the thesaurus for words and being sarcastic to the world.
Things will change next month. September will be my change of sorts. And its getting near to date where I'll celebrate something (hint: anniversary!). For this special occasion, I will attempt to write an entry everyday of the month, and the months thereafter when I leave for China on the 10th till I get back next year on the 31st of January. And what a relief (sort-of) that would be for me. But first gotta go through fire and back...
Tommorow I'll be stationed, again, at one of our outer branches. This time, I'll be the one in charge, not like the last time where I was just overseeing the place and helping out when needed. Another campaign up my sleeve I guess, kinda like akin to having two tours in Iraq. At least Iraq doesn't have rabid costumers asking for a discount, and after that, another additional discount. And at least in the sandlands they are allowed to shoot the enemy...
Ah well, if this is my price to get into China, then so be it. And yeah, after this (writing) I'm still depressed because its her birthday tommorow. Hell, I'm happy for her, of course!And I still don't have any plans of courting her. And she has her "soon-to-be-hubby", if I'm not mistaken. But still...one can always hope and dream I guess...
Nanginginig na mga kamay
Pusong kong hindi mapalagay
Pwede ba kita tabihan
Kahit na may ibang ka nang kasama
Ito na ang gabi di malilimutan
Dahan-dahan tayong nagtitinginan
Parang atin na ang gabi
Parang bang walang tayong katabi
At tayo'y sumayaw
Na parang di na tayo bibitaw
-Prom by Sugarfree
State of Mind: Depressed
Now Listening to: Sugarfree's Dramachine Album
Now Reading: Fool on the Hill by Matt Ruff
China Countdown: 14 days and deliriously counting...
Tommorow is Ice Lady's birthday. And I won't be going to Manila for it, much as I wanted to. First and foremost reason is that she has plans that night, and, well, what can I say? It's her birthday. Nothing I can do about it I guess. But I can't help feeling a little sad...
Ah well...
Wait, need to set the mood right...where is my Sugarfree cd? Ayan, here it is. Pop it into the cd player, press play, and presto! Instant depressant for the moody and out of sorts. Geek rock never sounded so good. Onwards to oblivion....
Well, not actually oblivion, more likely just plain old despair, but it sounds dramatic doesn't it? In any case, this month has to be my most "disagreeable month". Overworked, overclocked, depressed most of the time, walking zombie-like and, in one instance, gone through the day groggily like a stoned hippie (this side of the 'shroom makes you go longer, while this side makes you go shorter...) Never have I been so depressed in my life, going through the difficult motions of life everyday, things like breathing and eating. Sometimes, I think I think I'm in a stasis of some sort...
One of the reprieves I get is sleeping. After work (overtime at that), I head straight to my bed, plunge down the pillows, close my weary eyes, and dream Kafka dreams. No time to watch the news (yeah, like something good is happening), the movies (reruns are just that, just reruns), read my books (dammit, I still have 10 books I bought I haven't even touched yet) or just take a long crap at the bathroom. Hell, I don't even have time to write here, and it's been over a week since I got back to writing my blog. And that sucks really, because this has been my outlet for my thinking and dreaming. But mostly for writing. I miss pounding the keyboard, flipping through the thesaurus for words and being sarcastic to the world.
Things will change next month. September will be my change of sorts. And its getting near to date where I'll celebrate something (hint: anniversary!). For this special occasion, I will attempt to write an entry everyday of the month, and the months thereafter when I leave for China on the 10th till I get back next year on the 31st of January. And what a relief (sort-of) that would be for me. But first gotta go through fire and back...
Tommorow I'll be stationed, again, at one of our outer branches. This time, I'll be the one in charge, not like the last time where I was just overseeing the place and helping out when needed. Another campaign up my sleeve I guess, kinda like akin to having two tours in Iraq. At least Iraq doesn't have rabid costumers asking for a discount, and after that, another additional discount. And at least in the sandlands they are allowed to shoot the enemy...
Ah well, if this is my price to get into China, then so be it. And yeah, after this (writing) I'm still depressed because its her birthday tommorow. Hell, I'm happy for her, of course!And I still don't have any plans of courting her. And she has her "soon-to-be-hubby", if I'm not mistaken. But still...one can always hope and dream I guess...
Nanginginig na mga kamay
Pusong kong hindi mapalagay
Pwede ba kita tabihan
Kahit na may ibang ka nang kasama
Ito na ang gabi di malilimutan
Dahan-dahan tayong nagtitinginan
Parang atin na ang gabi
Parang bang walang tayong katabi
At tayo'y sumayaw
Na parang di na tayo bibitaw
-Prom by Sugarfree
State of Mind: Depressed
Now Listening to: Sugarfree's Dramachine Album
Now Reading: Fool on the Hill by Matt Ruff
China Countdown: 14 days and deliriously counting...
posted by Big Hamster at 9:50 PM
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