Thursday, August 20, 2009

I Feel The Pain

:::It Burns!:::

I woke up to find my body (which anyone who met me physically knows that it is the size and shape of India) on fire and lacerated with scratch marks. Several options come to mind: first, my wife made wild and passionate love to me that would be the envy of other husbands, and will have been the talk of the town and spoken amidst large quantities of beer and slurred, envious voices. But since I slept early and my wife was up all night growing beets, carrots and god-knows-what in Farmtown, I tossed that out immediately. Second thought was that She-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Named came into our house in the form of a succubus and made happy-happy joy-joy with my body using a unholy version of a whip, barb wire and weirdly carmelized toffee, just like she did when were in our final stages of our break up (sadly without the carmelized toffee). Though this one seems very far fetched because she doesn' t know where I live. ( I hope. She being a demonic succubus is true though).

Of course, when all the sleep fogginess has disappeared, I took a closer look to discover that the tragedy, like all other tragedies, are typically mundane and boring: I got a bad rash of allergies. To what, I don't know. To which I went to the doctor, and she took one look at my body, got a huge bottle that smells suspiciously of muriatic acid, and told me to smear liberally over the infected areas, which to my last look, now occupies 3/4 fourths of my body. If I were to describe it now it looks like the Risk Boardgame where the mighty Red Army is finally poised to conquer the last of the weary Brown Army.

So I took the bottle, went home, and with a silent prayer to St. Jude, the patron saint of Lost Causes, I took a dab of the cream and applied it to my skin.

After the screams have died down to mere mad gibberings ("Must ... apply ... it ... circularly....") I felt my skin tingle, and a cool feeling spread all over my skin. I felt like I've died and gone to heaven. Well, figuratively of course.

So, I'm in treatment. For the next ten days. Por dios por santo.

:::"Guard the bird well, my minions" said Alpha the Dobermann":::

If you haven't yet watched Up by Pixar and Disney, do yourself a favor, go out there to your nearest movie/theater/pirated dvd on the sofa and watch it. I always like Disney films (except Quasimodo, but there's always a mint hater at a ice cream shop) and this one is no exception. The plot is good, the characters funny as hell ("I'm tired. My knees are tired. My elbows are tired"). But the thing that always grips me (as with any other movie) is the soundtrack, and this one takes the cake for right on the spot. Music always evokes emotions, and the scene where they go through life every year is poignant and excellent.

The characters are very well done with very human personalities. The Grouchy Old Man, the Eager Boy Scout, The Loyal Dog Companion etc. I like the boy scout, since it made remember when I was a boy scout and attempted to cook an egg, which resulted in a tent fire and the arrival of the firetruck. Ah, the memories.

Definitely one of my favorite animated films so far. Watch it. And like the trailer, no spoilers here. Because it's fun. And fat boy scouts rule.

State of Mind: Painful Yet Satisfying
Song of the Day: One Day by Matishayu

Book of the Week: Hellboy: Odder Jobs by Mike Mignola and Selected Authors Want/Need: More Bandwidth


Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah, my beloved hamster is back! hope you are feeling better by this time.

9:34 AM, August 27, 2009  
Blogger ace said...

big H, you're too funny, man! you obviously love your wife. and is this succubus for real?

"up" was depressing, man. i say this bec i feel like the grumpy old man. i don't wanna end up miserable like him...

2:35 AM, September 01, 2009  

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