Monday, January 18, 2010

And ... I am OLD.

I suppose that it's inevitable.

I could rant and rage that turning a certain age is a milestone. But I won't. Because, when the clock struck 12 am, I began feeling ...  nothing. I did not self combust, flew up in the air, get struck by lightning or made noisy sounds in the bathroom. Just nothing. 

Well, perhaps just a little tired because I took a 3 hour drive from Kalibo, Aklan. But more or less, just meh.

I remember theorizing that time is essentially an effortless river of life, with it's small nooks and crannies of obstacles and the sheer number of creeks and streams of possibilities. And if you look ahead, the waters are raging, full of vim and vigor. Yet, if you look behind, it becomes calm, serene even. 

That's how I look at life, always going forward, hitting the occasional stone, but nevertheless moving forward. And sometimes looking back, and seeing far beyond, perhaps in glorious surise, or in clear blue skies of infinity.

So I look into my life, and while there are some things that I regret, I find that I cherish more things happily. Things could have been better, but if I didn't go through life roughly I probably wouldn't end like I am now: more wiser and more intelligent (yet still not healthy! Dammit!).

It's true that the more experiences you have (and I'm saying this as both good and bad experiences) the more able you are to paddle through life. And I'm always proud to say I have a cynical yet forgiving view of human nature. 

So maybe I'm wrong. Maybe, when the clock struck 12, in the deepest pits of my psyche, my soul screams out "So what?!"

Everything has changed. Nothing has changed.

Here's to me, at 30. 

State of Mind: Groggy, yet Slightly Euphoric (must be the late night Pepsi)
Book of the Week: Eisenhorn Omnibus: Xenos, Malleus, Hereticus by Dan Abnett
Song of the Day: Dancing With Myself by Billy Idol
Want/Need: A Game of Thrones Core Set