Monday, August 30, 2004

News From The Outer Branches

Yesterday I had a gruelling game. And this time against the WVSU Faculty and Staff. "What?!!", you might say. "Us have a tough time against these old coots, whose youngest player is around the age of 35?! WTF?!!" Well, it true. We did have a tough game against them, going against our H.S. coach Sir Gaban and our ex-computer teacher now principal Sir Nepomuceno, with the gardening and maintenance staff as the defense. It was for the first time that I experienced "backwoods basketball", a game which involves brawling and a lot of flailing of arms and elbows. Though we did win, 50-43, the aches and bruises were just too much. Talk about 'eavy basketball.
ur Coach Gaban still shoots like a demon, three pointers followed by bad insults and cackling laughter. Principal Nepomuceno, surprisingly, also has a mean streak in shooting hoops. The gardeners and the maintenance staff were in rotation, and were having a field day in defense. Somehow, I was percieved as a threat, by the way they literally thrown their bony, muscled body at me, even after if I got the rebound. Post-game, I lost all sensation on my right abdomen, after garnering a three pointy elbows just below my ribs. Ouch.


Today is the day were I'm back at the borderlands, or the outer branches so to speak. The people are still the same though, penny pinchers the lot of them. One guy even had the temerity of asking for the lowest discount possible, which I gave to him, and then asking for a commision. WTF? We are not the Red Cross here, hello? Sheesh...

All is all though, it wasn't so bad. Except for the music of course. I think I heard Viva Hot Babes Kikay song for umpteenth time that it has given me the Last Song Syndrome. God help me if ever someone overheard me muttering that song. Radio stations here in the province are in a some sort of stasis, with the yuck mode on. They still play the lame ass songs for so many times now its becoming a promising torture device. What's worse, they sift through the songlist and pick the worst songs possible to play. Somebody just hand me a earplug please?

To wit, here are the seven lame ass songs, in no particular order since they all suck big time, that are still getting radio time and are played over and over again. Some you'll recognize as songs that are older then your grandmother's underwear.

1. Dayang dayang by "I don't fuckin' care"
2. Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi (please, once is ok, twice is enough, but for the 34th fricken' time?!!)
3. Kikay by Viva Hot Babes (Soft porn stars yes, singers no)
4. Peluka Kong Itim by Eddie Gil (Can Satan please remove this man now and not wait? He already has done enough to merit a place in Hell)
5. Stupid Love by Salbakuta (a literally stupid song by stupid people)
6. Any love shlock from the 90's (repeated over and over, it can actually give aneurysm to everyone)
7. Any love shlock from the 80's (even worse than the 90's, can make anyone comatose and brain cancer) There are others of course, but due to my brain's fail safe protective mode, those songs are now just repressed memories. Triggering them (i.e. hearing the song again) would probably cause irreplaceble brain damage. So every night it reboots itself, i.e. sleep, just in case.

The world would probably end if these said stations would have played Coldplay's "The Scientist" or even Dave Matthews "#41". I'm thanking God right now for NU107, the only rock station here, for providing a much needed release for tension and the stuff that goes with it. Rock on people!!!

State of Mind: Rebooting in One Hour.
Song of the Day: The Remedy (Live) by Jason Mraz
Now reading: Bleachers by John Grisham
Now looking for: An extended vacation...hmmm, China!

Friday, August 27, 2004

Month of Despair

She has plans...

Tommorow is Ice Lady's birthday. And I won't be going to Manila for it, much as I wanted to. First and foremost reason is that she has plans that night, and, well, what can I say? It's her birthday. Nothing I can do about it I guess. But I can't help feeling a little sad...
Ah well...

Wait, need to set the mood right...where is my Sugarfree cd? Ayan, here it is. Pop it into the cd player, press play, and presto! Instant depressant for the moody and out of sorts. Geek rock never sounded so good. Onwards to oblivion....

Well, not actually oblivion, more likely just plain old despair, but it sounds dramatic doesn't it? In any case, this month has to be my most "disagreeable month". Overworked, overclocked, depressed most of the time, walking zombie-like and, in one instance, gone through the day groggily like a stoned hippie (this side of the 'shroom makes you go longer, while this side makes you go shorter...) Never have I been so depressed in my life, going through the difficult motions of life everyday, things like breathing and eating. Sometimes, I think I think I'm in a stasis of some sort...

One of the reprieves I get is sleeping. After work (overtime at that), I head straight to my bed, plunge down the pillows, close my weary eyes, and dream Kafka dreams. No time to watch the news (yeah, like something good is happening), the movies (reruns are just that, just reruns), read my books (dammit, I still have 10 books I bought I haven't even touched yet) or just take a long crap at the bathroom. Hell, I don't even have time to write here, and it's been over a week since I got back to writing my blog. And that sucks really, because this has been my outlet for my thinking and dreaming. But mostly for writing. I miss pounding the keyboard, flipping through the thesaurus for words and being sarcastic to the world.

Things will change next month. September will be my change of sorts. And its getting near to date where I'll celebrate something (hint: anniversary!). For this special occasion, I will attempt to write an entry everyday of the month, and the months thereafter when I leave for China on the 10th till I get back next year on the 31st of January. And what a relief (sort-of) that would be for me. But first gotta go through fire and back...

Tommorow I'll be stationed, again, at one of our outer branches. This time, I'll be the one in charge, not like the last time where I was just overseeing the place and helping out when needed. Another campaign up my sleeve I guess, kinda like akin to having two tours in Iraq. At least Iraq doesn't have rabid costumers asking for a discount, and after that, another additional discount. And at least in the sandlands they are allowed to shoot the enemy...

Ah well, if this is my price to get into China, then so be it. And yeah, after this (writing) I'm still depressed because its her birthday tommorow. Hell, I'm happy for her, of course!And I still don't have any plans of courting her. And she has her "soon-to-be-hubby", if I'm not mistaken. But can always hope and dream I guess...

Nanginginig na mga kamay
Pusong kong hindi mapalagay
Pwede ba kita tabihan
Kahit na may ibang ka nang kasama
Ito na ang gabi di malilimutan
Dahan-dahan tayong nagtitinginan
Parang atin na ang gabi
Parang bang walang tayong katabi
At tayo'y sumayaw
Na parang di na tayo bibitaw

-Prom by Sugarfree

State of Mind: Depressed
Now Listening to: Sugarfree's Dramachine Album
Now Reading: Fool on the Hill by Matt Ruff
China Countdown: 14 days and deliriously counting...

Depressed Thoughts

I will fly into your arms
And be with you, till the end of time
Why are you so far away
You know its very hard for me
To get myself close to you...
I wanna get myself close to you...

I Will Fly by Ten to Five

Today is the Ice Lady's birthday. Never remembered to be depressed in such a way, perhaps a long time ago. I'm so down that I started calling friends out of the blue, just to spread it around, and one of them didn't recognize me by my voice, even taking a few seconds to make sure it was really me. Whoa. Not that's not a good sign.

I wish ... no. I have got to stop dwelling in what I can't do or have and focus in the future. Whatever comes down the path you got to experience it with every fiber of your living being. You don't only stop and smell the flowers along the way; you grabbed it by the stem, pull its roots out, eat and munch the plant, and savor the taste. Then you throw it away, and just move on.

Hmmm, perhaps that was just a tad too graphic. My point is that we have got to live everyday as if its our last, but remember to move on in the end, and just keep the memories. But sometimes we just gotta take something; a particular flower or even a piece of pebble. In this case, a love one or friends or family.

But enough of that symbolization crap. I'm depressed, and even if its Sunday tommorow (or rather, in the wee hours of today), nothing I do uplifts my spirits. Perhaps tommorow's game will hype me up. Even if its just a little.

I realized I'm not writing coherently, yet frankly I don't care. I guess being depressed comes in package deals: things just don't work. No wonder Edgar Allan Poe was great writer. He wrote even if he was neurotically depressed. In fact, he made depression his reason to write. Hence we now have his scary and horrific masterpieces, which oddly enough, deal mostly with the primal human psyche (fear, anger etc.)

Gah, I'm like a bee flitting from tree to tree; my mind wanders like a drunk, unfocused yet somewhat aware. I have got to find something to take my mind off things. Perhaps I'll finally take that offer of an aquarium in my room, my only problem is that fish are boring. Except piranhas,sea otters or even turtles. Now that would be cool. I'd better give it some serious thought.

Speaking of thoughts, I decided to paint my room with shades of blue, going for artistry with visual swirls and slopes. Blue curtains, blue bed and, perhaps, even repaint my PC blue. But that would mean new furniture, and my budget doesn't allow me to buy a new tables and stuff. Ah well...

Bahala na. I'd better get some sleep if I wanna play well at basketball tommorrow.

State of Mind: Depressed
Now Listening to: Coldplay's Rush of Blood to the Head Album
Now Reading: A Game of You by Neil Gaiman
Depression Level: 60% ... it toned down a bit after writing.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

I'm Baaaaaacccckkkkk!!!


I think I said something about having good times and yet having so little time to enjoy them. Well, my premonition turned out to be correct. This month has got to be my busiest month ever, going home and heading straight to the sack to sleep off and dream dreams of the utterly tired and lonely. Which is weird considering the months of June, July and August are considered our "lean months"; the people here usually prepare for the harvesting of the rice fields and such during this time, hence low on sales.

I also remembered saying that this month would turn out to be a month of good fortune, and that was having atrip to Manila for a week or less. I went with my Dad last Thurday, and yeah, things did get pretty well between us, with only some minor skirmishes and such. We went to various suppliers for our company, one for each meal of the day i.e. breakfast for Kyusen, lunch with Royal Tern, dinner with HCG...repeat ad nuseum. So it was for three days that I went around Manila visiting and chatting with big wigs. Was I happy? Yeah, I guess. The business bug has finally bit me and I could say that getting into this kind of business might sit well with me. Or maybe its just the Manila weather, I don't know...

In any case, I did have fun after Dad left for the province last Saturday, leaving me alone and free for the weekend. It was fun meeting with the guys again, even more fun than I can imagine. Only that bad weather did dampen my spirits a bit, but who cares? This will be the last time I'll see them again when I leave for China this September...

I finally got my own laptop, a Compaq V1000 series. While it may not play games like Doom 3 or the ever-late Half Life 2 ( damn! ), its loaded up the wazoo in term of connectivity i.e. bluetooth, Wi-Fi, LAN, IR etc. Nice piece of hardware, if I do say so myself.

I also did get to meet up with my best bud who's staying at Manila to study law at San Beda, which was also cool. I got to see his apartment near San Beda, then, after saying our goodbyes, got to ride the new LRT 2 tram going to Cainta. It's much more cleaner than LRT 1, and probably more effeicient then the MRT. What's cool about this line is that they finally introduced vendo-tickets ( I forgot the name ), the ones they use in Japan and in Hongkong. Went shopping at Greenhills, bought a ton of Kurosawa DVD's and some rare movies ( Lady Hawke anyone? ). Then I finally went home to prepare for my morning flight.

My flight was at five in the dead of morning, and I woke up at around three, dressed up quickly and went to the airport. Messed around with my laptop, watched an anime movie Blood: The Last Vampire, while waiting for my flight. Finally the call came out right on the dot, and we procedeed to the ramp, into the plane and took our seats. And waited almost a goddamn hour. Apparently, a group to Koreans were late so we have to wait for them. Damnation. Finally, after spending some time boring imaginary holes into the Korean's heads, we were off and airborne. The flight went smoothly without incident, and when we touched down, I didn't expect to say to myself that it's good to be back.

Apparently, I inhaled some of gas fumes from the airplane.

After dropping my stuff home, I went straight to the office, by orders of His Generalismo, my Dad. So I went to work, sleep-deprived I might add, on a Monday. Arrrrgh. What could be more worse? Well, I was given an overtime job...

I finally thrown the towel at around four in the afternoon, begging to go home and sleep, just 2 hours shy of closing time. With great relief, he consented, and I went home and like a sack of potatoes, fell on my bed and slept.

I woke up at around seven...the next day! And there I was wondering groggily why is it light outside when it's only seven in the evening? Arrrrgh....

So it was for this past week I had overtime everyday, and yes, I still fall down like a sack of potatoes, or a giant oak tree. Timber anyone?....

Oh yeah, something happened just this afternoon, after lunch. I also said something about this month as a month of surprises. Well, I was with my best bud's girlfriend at that time, to give to her some letters from the former and also to let her borrow some "educational cds". Guess who I saw at the Mall? None other than She Who Is Not To Be Named, The Devourer of Souls, The Eater of Flesh!

Yep, I saw my Ex, with her is her Consort of Icky Pleasures. Hmmm, I finally saw her current boyfriend! And the reports and rumours are all true!! He does look like a gigolo with a face of a monkey!!!

Relax. Take a deep breath. Okay.

Well, I saw them going up an escalator, and by whim perhaps, I grabbed best bud's gf, ran to the opposite side of the mall, went up the same level as she is, and waited for her to pass by. Time started getting fast at that point, my heart doing a triple beat in four time mode, anxiously waiting for her, my mind racking from all the possibilities that would happen.

Then there she was, She Who Is Akin To A Whale, three points above the starboard bow, 20 meters and closing fast. I ready myself, and headed straight at her path.

Time slowed to a crawl...
he's got bigger even. She was wearing a sleaveless haltertop and white slacks, giving the illusion of a white boat on full sail. 10 meters. I turn to best bud's gf and tried to make small talk. I think by this time she saw me. 5 meters. I swivel my eyes forward now, this time attempting eye contact. Missed! She was making lambing to her bf!! Blast!!! 3 meters. I can smell her perfume, the same sickly sweet kiddy type I used to like whenever we made love; this time it smelled like rotten flowers. Zero meters. We passed by each other.

Time stopped...

...and moved on. I was pass her now, and I resisted the urge to look back to see if she was looking. I think she resisted the urge also.

Well, perhaps she wasn't ready to talk things over, as I now ready to forget all that has happened in the past...but not forgive. THAT will probably happen in couple of decades or so. Check me up at that time. Or maybe she didn't want a confrontation with her bf, small dude that he was. Ah well...

She can't run away and hide all the time. Somewhere in the future, there will be a reckoning.

And I aim to see it through.
State of Mind: Determination
Song of the Day: Fuck You by Eamon
Now Reading: Prince of the Blood by Raymond E. Feist
Current Body Energy Level: 38% and drowsing fast...

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Wishing For Anonimity

Well, I was right. This first week of August has been a busy week, and I think everything went in a sort of greenish-blue blur. Don't ask why, that's what I saw when I zipped past the last week. I think I even forgot to breathe as the days rolled by like a hedgehog on speed.

Anyways, some updates. Oh yeah, I think I mentioned something about this being a month of surprises, and this 1st week has been no exception. My bestfriend's girlfriend finally set me up with her friend, who I shall call "Girl Next Door". It was a Tuesday, I think, and we met up at lunchtime ( my only time where time actually slows down to normality ) because bestbud's girlfriend wanted to return my Extended LoTR DVDs: The Fellowship and The Two Towers ( I'm still holding my breath for extended version of LoTR: The Return of the King ) and apparently wanted to borrow some "educational" movies, if you get my drift. So there I was, face to face with Girl Next Door. Like my bestbud said, she's kinda chubby and has braces . What he didn't tell me was the girl used to live in front of my house, truly a neighbor; although I didn't know till she pointed out that she saw me in my house, while I must have been blind as a bat at not seeing her all these years


Ok, some preconceptions were shattered. First, I thought those who live next door were some kindly old folks. Well, yeah that's true, although in the early years Girl Next Door transferred to her own place. Second, I already knew her...well, her face actually, since we used to go to the same school together. When I first saw her, I thought to myself: Socialite. Bitchy. Not my type. Now socialite and bitchy were thrown out of the window, as for if she's my type...hmmm...nah, still not my type. Close friends yes, and that's where the line stops.

So we talked for just a short while, then she had to leave because her mother was waiting for her. Which I think is best, as I was a little confused and sidetracked ( plus my work anxiety ) at the event that just happened, leaving me somewhat like a deek blinking a headlights of the truck. Ah well, so now we are acquintances, at the very least. I just wished that I was meeting someone totally new, who didn't know me and what I'm doing and how much friggin' moolah I'm worth.

That last statement was made in reflection at what my friend "Mr. Fact" ( he has the obsessive compulsive disorder of looking at everthing in basis of statistical view. Must be the doings of his job, since he works for the goverment dealing with surveys and statistics... ) Anyways, he told me that, from the grapevine, me and my brothers are one of the thirty most eligible bachelors in my province. Gaddammit, has anyone got anything else better to do?

But yeah, I have to look in the big picture. Being one of those "elite group" ( Brrr....runs chills in my spine ) means I have to take care of making sure that the person is, well, yeah I'll say it: is not after our money. And while that possiblity is remote since a) being a big part of the grapevine means I know almost everyone, given time of course; and b) Ilonggos are the malambing type, and if I want a super bitchy uber socialite girlfriend, I'd go to Bacolod.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just wanted to meet someone totally new, someone who didn't know me and father's mini-empire. But in this small island, I guess that possibility is also remote, near high impossible even.

Perhaps that's why I always like to go malling in Manila then here; anonimity is such a blessing that I can look and buy stuff without someone seeing me, knowing me and commenting something. Not that I'm that famous here, wouldn't even aspire to be one, thank you. It's just the province's grapevine is more developed then others; sometimes I think of it as too overriped.

Maybe I'm just paranoid or something; but going around without having to meet and greet every person you know has its charm.

State of Mind: Coming Out of Delirium
Song of the Day: Life Of A Salesman by Yellowcard
Now Reading: The Elder Gods by David Eddings
Now Playing: Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, PS2